Why I don't read fairytales to my Daughter

       

Why I don’t read Fairy tales to my Daughter ?

             Some days back I visited a nearby children bookstore with my 3.5 years old daughter , we were going through an array of books lined up on shelves. She got quickly attracted to big, brightly coloured books of Fairytale stories. As a child I was also very fascinated by these stories. The picturesque representations of demons, princes, beautiful princesses and the idea of happily ever after. But apart from these , I also remember that they instilled fixed gender roles in my young mind. So as a parent I was apprehensive to read them to my daughter and some questions cropped up in my mind as well : 
1.Whether I should read those fairytales to my daughter or not?’

2.     What are the implications of these stories on gender stereotyping?

3.    Do they give correct picture of masculinity ?

4.    What kind of self image formation can take place in her young mind?

5.    Do these perceptions of self image manifest in adolescence and effect her adult life?

On analyzing meticulously  these pieces of art, we can easily guage as to how deeply gender roles are ingrained in our society  and the effect of these on  young minds of our children.

  For instance, what do Snow White ,Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella all have in common?

Aside from porcelain skin and inexplicably glossy hair, they are saved from a misery or eternal sleep by a heroic ‘Prince Charming’. Women are mostly portrayed as passive damsels who can only be saved by men. For men there are rarely any challenges other than fighting dragons .  Unfortunately , marriage is the perinnial focus and the stories culminate in a grand celebration of matrimony.  These attributes confirm existence of stereotypes where women are powerless beings with heightened domesticity and males are epitomes of physical strength. This totally abhors the value of professional, financial and social success, all of which seldom feature in their narratives. It also places a lot of stress on both the sexes with respect to their self esteem for eg. for a child listening to these stories for the first time , such restrictive aesthetic standards can be hugely detrimental portraying the idea that beauty and happiness is synonym  with thinness or there are ‘female baddies’ like ‘evil step mother’, ‘ugly sisters’, these women are vindictive towards one another and negate any concept of sisterhood. So, while fairytales are brilliant for inspiring imaginative discussions in children, we must be vigilant in their way of sharing so as to avoid gender stereotypes, that they continue to foster.

       

We, as adults are equally immersed in a social and cultural environment that produces and perpetuates gender stereotypes- clothing , toys, media, books, friends, extended family members all communicate messages, explicitly or implicitly about what is considered ‘appropriate’ for girls and boys.  No matter where in the world we live, lessons about gender start quite early and they have life long consequences. The  foundations for gender stereotypical beliefs and behaviours are created in early childhood. Very young children interiorize gender stereotypes by observing the world around them. They categorize what they see as male or female and adapting their own behavior to these images for eg. They quickly associate caregiving with females. 

    These gender roles are very much implicit in our day to day life. This infers that modelling of right behavior by parents is the primary source of information and learning about gender. Parents can play a key role in their child’s ability as children absorb most powerful messages from them. Parents can ensure that children freely and fully determine their own interests and preferences, regardless of gender or social expectations. These effects of gender stereotyping are more pronounced during adolescence as their world drastically change, both physically and mentally. ‘Global adolescent study’ found-there  is a shift as soon as girls and boys enter adolescent stage. Their attitudes and beliefs about the opposite sex change dramatically oppose to childhood where they were treated equally. What expected of boys and girls, become entrenched in adolescence and have negative impacts that they carry in adulthood.  How we perceive boys and girls is  more socially driven than biologically. They define themselves based on how they are treated by others.

      

   

                Given how pervasive gender stereotyping is , it takes continued effort and constant reflection for parents to challenge to resist them or soften their impact on children so that they can think beyond pink and blue. This is beautifully addressed by poems written by Dr. Kamla Bhasin , who is renouned  Indian developmental feminist activist, social scientist and author. Some of these poems challenging the gender stereotyping  are:

   

  

Mama’s back, Mama’s back

 She’s brought me books and toys.

She’ll tell me lots of stories of distant girls and boys.

She’ll teach me many new things.

She’ll take me to the park.

She knows how rainbows form and

How cats see in the dark.

When mamma comes from office

I want to shout hurray !

For mama, dearest mama

I have been good all day.

Another one on doing household chores together so that everybody can have time to enjoy.

The clouds are gone, its sunshine weather.

Lets wash clothes along with mother

Mother will soap them

Father will wring them

And you and I

Will hand them to dry.

When they are dry and ironed crisp

Let’s dress quickly for a trip.

      These lines reflect, what gender equality actually is , it is not war against any gender rather it  promotes the concept of ‘Self’ where  individual differences should not be  glorified as gender differences. However we can’ t deny the fact that in all the chaos of life  , we loose our real self. Many of us realise this  but  wonder how to get out of these boxes that seemed to be so deeply ingrained in us.

        Surely, we as parents can try to create a less constraining world for our children, but only when society works as a unit and suspends judgements and applaud these efforts.

Author:  Shalini Tripathi

   

MOUNTAINS : A Climb to Eternity

Few days back, I went to my husband's village ‘Sukai’ which is located in the lap of mountains in Garhwal district of Uttarakhand . It is 6hrs drive in the mountains from Ramnagar. Unlike a tourist destination this place is located in interior of Uttarakhand and is surrounded by terraced  farms and cold streams. I heard a lot about the place from him. Everyone understands mountains in own way and climbing for all of us means something special to me . This endeavor with untouched nature reminds me of an Irish saying - 'marry a mountain girl and you marry the whole mountain.' Here it's a boy though.

Firstly, I loved the drive, the panorama of mountains , streams by their side,  pine forests, fruit trees, red coloured  mountain flowers, deers relishing on grass freshened up by dew. There were no hawkers with mineral water bottles.

If we were thirsty, we would stop along the road and walk to a stream, cup our hands in the water to capture some of the cold liquid and drink it. Our 3 years old daughter is also a nature lover. She imitated us and learnt the skill of enjoying in mountains.

                  Although the drive was long , but as soon as limpid water touched my tongue, I could straighten up and swallow the gifted liquid treat. All through my journey I never allowed my eyes to be diverted from the changing scenery. Everything in the village seems to be gifted by mountains. The roofs and walls of the houses made from stones, walls smeared with mud giving it earthy aroma. Low ceilings and small heighted doors make it warm and cozy, apt for burrowing in the cold temperatures. Sweet smelling aroma of chapatis cooked on chulha, and freshly prepared walnut chutney made me eat several folds more than my usual appetite as we passed hill side terraces thick with pine, fruit trees and here and there, cold mountain streams.

         Next morning I got up after hearing jingle of bells coming from the ponies hurrying up to transport goods to a nearby shop. My daughter was quite amused to see them and called them small horses. All day we climbed several hill tops to visit sacred temples of the village. People were busy in harvesting wheat, chickpeas, vegetable from the fields, roof tops and porches of the houses were beaming with freshly picked wheat, jowar, still attached to their branches. Each small grain of chickpea bursting in my mouth, enveloping it in a taste and texture, I cannot  describe in words. Things provided by nature in their purest form are not attached with price tags here, only payment is not to arrange it and enjoy its holiness in its unarranged form.

Most of the people in the village speak Garhwali , this language has a unique lilt of its own. Traditionally women wear Saree which is tied in a different style , with a knot on the shoulder . Whole village lives like a well knit family , present in celebrations or in need. The sturdiness of hill people can be fathomed by the hard physical work they do all day, one can easily spot women carrying wood on their back men taking cattles for grazing, children climbing , crossing streams to reach their schools and the simple fact that people living in those handful of houses have converted the whole set of surrounding mountains in terrace farms.

     During nights we used to sit on the terrace , stars glittering above , mountains with eternal silence, fresh cold breeze filling our hollow souls with new energy . These mountains have their own way of conversing in silence which made me feel humble, like a beggar , just lucky to be there.  Mountains have a way of dealing with over confidence, they help sorting out what is important in life. That is why thousands of tired, nerve shaken , over civilized people are beginning to find out going to mountains because that wilderness has become a necessity.

    As we navigated back to busy city streets , the panoramic world morphed drastically. People in never ending haste, cars , their horns blended with angry drivers, screeching car brakes, poles apart from the sweet symphony of nature .

     

Legendry Chinese poet ‘Li Bai’ perfectly captures the serene solitude that people find on mountain tops.

        You ask me why I dwell in the green

         mountain;

         I smile and make no reply for my heart is

        Free from care.

       As the peach-blossom flows down stream

       And is gone into the unknown,

      I have a world apart that is among

      men.